Saturday, April 16, 2011


Sometimes good people do bad, bad things. Sometimes the best of us make choices we regret for the rest of our lives. This is not one of those times, because dave hopkins is a fucking idiot.
History, Geography, Mythology, and Anatomy are all kinds of necessary for a fantasy comic, even if the main characters are some kind of blue rabbit or red wolf or any other afront to god drawn by hopkins.

Jack, the melty freakshow drawn by Dave, is a lot like an abortion. You get a mix of hope and fear near the beginning, and by the end it's all just this melty fleshy smelly mess that leaves grown men in tears.

On the note of abortion, lets get to the comic. Take a look at page one, and you get a good idea of the other three thousand or so pages, even if you shouldn't. There are no proper straight lines, not even on machinery or geometric shapes. Everything looks soggy and half formed. It's filled with faces that look ready to melt off the head at any given moment.

Not to mention the half assed plot lines. Dave Hopkins has three hooks: Child Molestation, School Shootings, and Serial Killers. With a lineup like that, he probably had to turn down jobs from fox news no less than six times to start his comic. This would be bad in and of itself, but somehow they always manage to always wring out what's supposed to be a happy ending. Everyone who dies goes to heaven or purgatory, and if you do go to hell it's piss easy to try again.

Of course, the whole afterlife punishment is broken as fuck. If you kill a few hundred million people, you get a palace and a bunch of slaves and everything you could ever want exactly how you want it. If you live your life as a shining example of all that is good and forgiving in the world, your wants get twisted into a pack of serial rapists several times bigger than the ones in hell. If you live as an ok guy with a few outbursts, you get to live in the suburbs with a bunch of celestial Jehovah's witnesses coming in to bug you every day forever.

Then there's the big one's, the ones this comic has to adress: God and Satan. According to Dave, god is a thirtysomething anthropomorphic ewe with the personality of a mother as seen by someone who's clearly been raised by negligent farm animals. Then there's Satan, who draws the comic and gets to be Dave's backup fursona. You know, for when an obese, hateful mammal thing that shits itself doesn't cut it. Because nothing says "I want people to respect me" quite like a racoon thing in enough black makeup to make every fourteen year old in the midwest green with envy.

Satan gets to draw the comic, effectivley making his "punishment" the ability to have more effect on creation than god itself. This is probably to make up for the fact that he doesn't seem to have much of an extravagant super palace. Because nothing says "eternal damnation" like "Everlasting wealth and influence".

All in all, the comic has a lot of failings. Character inconsistency, bad logic, predictable plot twists, shitty art. All of them stem from the aformentioned stupidity of the author. Hopkins doesn't know dick all about faces, island chains, warfare, or weapon design, plain bad taste.

Why is he popular? He'll cram your character in the comic with no regard for any sort of consistency. You *could* spend years practicing art, or you could just shout "hey look everybody, it's Fisk Black!"

Speaking of Fisk Black...

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